What They Don’t Tell You…

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For those of you who attended my “It Runs in the Family Live: Songs and Stories from Parenthood” show last week you will remember this list. But for everyone else here it is in print!  Thank  you so much to the amazing participants who bravely shared their parenting experiences through songs, stories, comedy, and poetry and thank you to all of the attendees who shared in the fun and helped us raise some money for a wonderful organization – United Athletics! We were able to donate $600 to their work in the community!

They tell you about teething and sleep training, milestones, “terrible twos”, puberty, you hear whispers about challenges but there are no specifics – they don’t tell you the things you really need to know. Probably because if they did none of us would be here right now.

  • 10. Submitted by Valerie Abbott You will miss uninterrupted, silent bathing. You’ll never be alone again. And quiet will take on a whole new meaning.
  • 9. Bedtime will be the ultimate test of human will, strength and mental acuity. Screw you Mensa and NASA – the smartest people alive are the parents who can get children to go to sleep without yelling or complaining – every single night forever…and ever.
  • 8. The passage of time is fluid. Children grow up so incredibly quick – years pass like moments and yet a day alone with a toddler can feel like a thousand years.
  • 7. Negotiating pants. This is a thing that happens all the time. Not which pants to wear but the wearing of pants at all. Period. Our children have never seen an adult wandering around in life without pants and yet I have to remind them, cajole them, demand of them to put on pants far more frequently than I could have ever imagined.
  • 6. You can never imagine the amount of resentment you could have for certain words or questions. Like: What do you want for dinner? OR  Mommy?
  • 5. Certain things will come out of your mouth that you can’t imagine anyone has every said before like – don’t drink from the dog bowl, don’t lick the car, and don’t pee in your sister’s suitcase.
  • 4. What is the appropriate etiquette associated with your 9 year old removing his fake mustache at the restaurant table to eat his dinner? Please tell me – I don’t know. I didn’t think this would be a thing I would have to know. I was not prepared…
  • 3. You will have to tell them every time you get into the car to buckle up, the right way.  Then you will have to remind them to unbuckle and get out of the car when you’ve arrived at your destination. Every. Effing. Time. Forever….
  • 2. You will have moments of pride, moments of bliss, and moments in which you feel pretty good about the how you’re doing at this thing. Then you will hear “MOMMY!!! He farted on me!!!” The moment will have passed and you’ll go back to hoping really hard that however badly you’re screwing them up will wear off in time for them to start changing your diapers.
  • 1. You could never imagine that anything with this level of aggravation, fear, exhaustion, and uncertainty could be so frigging amazing.

Keep it up moms and dads and stepparents, grandparents, god parents, aunts and uncles! Showing up is 99% of the battle. In the words of one of our storytellers from the live show the other night “Stop worrying so much and just enjoy it.”

Much love,

Erin xo

6 Comments


  1. LOL – great post! It’s amazing the things we didn’t know before having kids. Like, no one told me that little boys destroy shoes!

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  2. Wow! That’s awesome you were able to donate $600 to the organization. I love #1 and #8 I can totally relate with those.

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  3. Oh yes, definitely how fast time goes by. I can’t believe that mine is going into high school next year!

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  4. I can totally relate! You can’t imagine sounding like your MOTHER but you just do! My youngest is just taking on the potty training and is it weird that I’m a little sad? I feel like my baby is gone!

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